Kylie Chan talks about Cultural Differences

Kylie Chan writes contemporary fantasy books, based on Chinese mythology. Here she talks about how cultural differences can get in the way of relationships. Go here to find out about her books.

I have to admit I was surprised when the subcontractor recommended to install our air conditioning system at the house turned out to be Chinese. Most Chinese, when they come to Australia, will grab citizenship as quickly as they can and then rush out and do something so difficult it is almost unattainable in China and Hong Kong – they’ll gain a University education in the subject of their choice.

A couple of close friends of mine, who I helped through the whole process of emigrating from Hong Kong to Australia, did this. When they arrived here, they were psychiatric nurses, both of them. ‘You have to be crazy to be a psych nurse,’ they often joked. The minute they could get citizenship, they took it, and went to University. He’s now a lawyer and she’s a dentist, careers completely unavailable to them in Hong Kong’s elitist higher education system.

So when the middle-aged Chinese air conditioning guy turned up with his team of burly young white Australian fitters, I enjoyed some conversations with him about my experiences being married to a Chinese for so many years and living in Hong Kong. We talked about places in Hong Kong, about the restaurants, and it turned out we’d lived not far from each other when we were both there.

It took a couple of days for him to finish the job, he fitted the whole house. On the afternoon of the second day, when he was nearly done, he came to me, slightly embarrassed and unsure. It was obvious he was going to ask me something and wasn’t sure of the reaction.

‘It’s my son’s girlfriend,’ he said. ‘Could you talk to her please? She calls me and my wife by our…’ He took a deep breath to share this awful news. ‘She calls us by our first names!’

‘This is Australia,’ I said. ‘You have to get used to the more casual way we do things here.’

‘But he’s talking about marrying her! How can we possibly have a daughter in law that calls us by our first names? She doesn’t show the right respect!’

… And I understood exactly what his problem was. Children in Chinese society are taught from a very early age to give all their elders a family title to indicate their respect. When they meet their relative, they “call” them, they’ll loudly say ‘Ah Poh’ (paternal grandmother) or ‘Ah Goong’ (paternal grandfather) or even ‘Lau Jeck’ (Maternal aunt who is older than my mother – yes the titles do go down to that sort of detail.) [1] The relative will then say ‘good boy/girl’ – maybe hand the child a sweet - and the conversation will continue as normal. All junior family members will “call” senior family members like this.

When I arrived in China with my husband, I was expected to do this and it was extremely difficult for me. Back home, if I waltzed into my parents’ house, and loudly said, ‘Mother!’ my mother would say, ‘What?’ I expected to call these people and have them grimace at me and say, ‘What do you want?’ After a while I became accustomed to it and it was something of a circus when the whole clan was in the house – my husband would stand next to me and prompt me with the family titles, and I would parrot them, one after the other. Everybody thought this was delightful.

So when the air conditioning guy asked me if I would talk to his daughter, I reluctantly accepted. I honestly thought that he and his wife should accept that things are done differently here. I was amused that he complained about her being too ‘liberated’ because she was a professional woman, when it’s quite normal for women in Hong Kong to own their own companies without being considered ‘liberated’. Maybe ‘liberation’ is more to do with a strong attitude.

He asked her to call me, and she did. I explained the whole ‘family title’ thing to her and she tried to understand.

‘So I just need to give them these family titles, and they won’t hate me any more?’ she said.

‘If you fold your hands in front of your lap, bow slightly, and call each of them by their family titles when you greet them, they will absolutely love you forever,’ I said.

‘It’s just so strange,’ she said. ‘My boyfriend never mentioned any of this, he doesn’t even seem to realize that they have a problem with it.’

‘If you ask him about it, he probably doesn’t.’

Two days later, the air conditioning guy called me. ‘Thank you!’ he said, full of delight. ‘She is so wonderful! My wife thinks she is marvellous, she wants to give her some gold!’ (This is symbolic of being accepted into the family as the daughter-in-law – the bride’s family, and the bride, are given solid 24K gold jewellery as payment for buying her. Really.) ‘You have changed her from being a rude problem to being a good daughter-in-law. We cannot thank you enough!’

Sometimes, I guess it’s the small things that make all the difference.

---

[1] All care but no responsibility. I think these are close to correct but they may be wildly inaccurate, it’s been more than 20 years since I did this myself.

Do you have favourite books which explore cultural differences? I've just been reading the Liaden books by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller.

Five things I wish I knew before I got the call!

With the announcement of her first major sale, Nicole Murphy shares the excitement and the trepidation.

After nine years, more than a dozen novels written and ten drafts of the first novel of this trilogy, I’ve finally achieved my teenage dream and I’m going to be a published novelist. Yay!

My fantasy romance trilogy Balance of Power will be published by HarperCollins under the Voyager imprint here in Australia and New Zealand, with book one Love in Control to hit the shelves in July next year.

The lovely, talented and generous Rowena Cory Daniells asked me to write a piece for you readers of Ripping Ozzie Reads about the experience, and after much thought and consideration, I’ve decided to go with five things I wish I’d known before I got that fateful email on July 3. Oh, and one thing I’m glad I already did do.

1. I wish I’d known about all the extra things I needed to pass acquisitions, such as a synopsis of the trilogy and a biography. Honestly. It was probably stupid of me, but all I had written was the synopsis of the first book. Sure, I knew what happened in the other two books, but I didn’t have it written down in any form that would be suitable for convincing a publisher to take on all three books. Thank goodness I had fabulous friends that were able to read and critique it quickly. As for the biography… If you’re like me and you hate writing about yourself, tackle this one first, get it done and save it somewhere. Then you just need to update it from time to time.

2. I wish I’d known I needed an ABN. Get one, right now. It costs (I think about $127), but it’s easily done on the internet (if you don’t already have an accountant who can do it for you) and it means that you can get paid. An important step, I think. And it means you can sign off on the offer when you get it, instead of having to wait.

3. I wish I’d known how much my life would change. Well yes, I knew, but I didn’t really KNOW. The pressure that comes with working two jobs, and trying to keep on top of things like family, friends, housework (eek!) can be overwhelming. In the first two months of being a professional writer, I had just one full weekend off, and another three full days. Otherwise, I was working the day job, or writing. That takes a toll on you, your family, your relationships, the housework (eek!).

4. I wish someone had told me how emotional the whole thing was. I was intellectually prepared – I had studied the industry, educated myself on the possibilities, knew what would happen. But I wasn’t emotionally prepared, and the fact that suddenly the dream of more than 25 years could be coming true hit me like a Mack truck. I vacillated between terrified, overjoyed, unsure and overconfident for a couple of weeks before I realised I didn’t have time for it and pulled myself together.

5. I wish I’d known this was going to happen. Seriously, I wish someone had contacted me and said “just had a squiz in the crystal ball and you know what? You’re going to sell the trilogy in July”. Cause then I could have PREPARED myself. But the thing is, you don’t know. Whether you approach publishers yourself (like I did) or go through an agent, you’ll never know just when you’ll get the email/phone call saying “Guess what…” So work on getting ready right now.

And the one thing I’m glad I did? Early last year, I left my job in journalism and had to make a decision – find another full-time job, probably in the public service that probably utilised my writing and publishing skills and would probably hinder my fiction as much as journalism did; or to get a part-time job in an industry far removed from writing, so I could focus on my fiction in my spare time.

I chose the later, got a job at a local supermarket, and started to discipline myself to write every day that I could – mostly mornings, either of days I had off or before going in for a late shift. And this habit meant that when I sold the trilogy and was suddenly facing deadlines, I was already working hard on my writing and had organised my time to do it.

Not everyone can take my route and go to work part-time to focus on their writing (thanks to my husband), but it’s important to organise your time and start working as if you are a professional now, cause as I said earlier you really don’t know when you’ll need to and finding time to work is something you don’t want to deal with on top of everything else.

So, that’s what I’ve realised so far. But I’m just taking the first steps into my professional writing career, and no doubt I’ll make many more mistakes with which to enlighten you all. Keep writing, keep learning, keep improving, and this could be you!

Are you prepared for your major sale?

Doom and Gloom and Fantasy

Here we are in the midst of a 'World Economic Crisis' and I wonder -- How will this affect book sales?

According to a piece I saw the other day romance sales are up 32%. This makes me think the sale of big fat fantasy novels will be going up. After all, having battled the real world all week, what is nicer than to curl up on a rainy Saturday afternoon with a book that's going to take you away to a fantasy world where the villains are recognizable and the world's problems can be conquered?

I'm not saying we should put our heads in the sand and ignore the world. Each week, if I remember, I buy New Scientist and read it from cover to cover. But I can only take so much doom and gloom. I need something to smile about and whether I'm reading the latest Janet Evanovich or a Joe Abercrombie, I'm refueling to go out and face the real world.

For anyone who is interested, Rose Fox has an article here on the way our fiction needs relate to what's happening in the real world.